Smartphones are incredible social tools. They give us the power to ignore other people like never before. In fact, not having to ever speak to humans might just be the best part. Here’s how to block everyone, every time, without ever facing any consequences.

This best part of this pocket power to push people into oblivion is that it works equally well against foes and strangers. Screening calls is a universal experience—but you have to do it right, or else you’re just that dick who never answers the phone or replies to any texts. You can’t just be unavailable, you have to be unseen. Unconsidered. A shadow. Your phone is a stealth bomber, your voice a breeze, your inbox an abyss. Here’s how to screen texts with grace, deflect iMessages nimbly, and decline every call as you would blow seed fuzz off a dandelion.

This Gizmodo article has some great tips for avoiding people, like using these reply messages:

• “Hey, I’m in the middle of something, can I call you back?”
• “Hey, I’m on a bus and someone next to me is sleeping, can’t talk.”
• “Yo, on the sidewalk and it’s really loud, what’s happening?”
• “Hey, sorry, I’m in the middle of something, what’s going on?”

Other tips include using the “do not disturb mode”, the “airplane mode” and several excuses that we have alll probably used at one time or another, like “my battery was dead”, “I didn’t have service” or the universal: “I lost my phone”.

Of course, if you use these tips too often you may end up with an undesired result: no one tries to reach you.